DIY Coffin
Crafted from only the finest MDF flatpack — get the pride of building your own coffin or give your relatives the joy of doing it after you're gone.
£39.99
Because Dignity is Expensive
Dead Cheap Funerals
We are a funeral service dedicated to providing the cheapest burials possible. Why let your inheritance go to waste on a fancy send-off? Or maybe you're just frugal (cheap) — we don't judge, we just dig (or burn).
About us
About Us
We are a funeral service dedicated to providing the cheapest burials possible for those who might not have been your favourite people (that slightly racist grandparent or parent who was a little too strict), why let your inheritance go to waste on a fancy send-off? Or maybe you're just frugal (cheap) — we don't judge, we just dig (or burn).
Some have accused us of misusing government grants and loans to fund our operations. We are happy to confirm that these accusations are 100% accurate. In fact, it's one of the key reasons we can keep prices so low. The other reason? We simply don't care — because caring costs money.
Dignity is overrated. Savings can be forever.
Budget services
Our Budget Services
Cheap funerals for cheap people. We keep the prices low and the expectations even lower.
Dig Your Own Hole Kit
We will show you where to dig. Comes with a shovel and instructions. Remember to dig a decent-sized hole otherwise you may attract wild animals.
£69.99
Express Burial
We promise to dig within 24 hours of the death. You bring the body and we fill the hole. No questions asked.
£89.99
Cremation Special
Takes place at your nearest Chinese takeaway — turn the ovens up high and comes with free prawn crackers for friends and family.
£149.99
Make every penny count
Build Your Own Funeral
Design the most financially responsible farewell imaginable. Choose your questionable essentials, add a few luxuries if you're feeling reckless, and get an itemised quote.
Our no-frills guarantee: Every choice is fictional, the maths is real, and dignity remains an optional extra.
The same four deals and prices shown above. This is your starting price; the other choices are optional extras.
Includes the flat-pack MDF coffin. If you upgrade it, we charge only the difference.
Included with DIY Coffin; optional on other deals. No paying twice for the same box.
Arriving in style is a terrible investment.
They wilt. Our savings don't.
The less you say, the less you pay.
A name for your printable quote. Spaces are very much allowed.
Completely trustworthy reviews
What Our Customers Say
Here are some completely trustworthy reviews from our completely trustworthy customers.
“They got my uncle buried in 24 hours!”
“Came in a white van and took the body away — got a Tupperware container with ashes and free prawn crackers, amazing value!”
“Buried my worries with this service, along with Uncle Greg! They nailed it 10/10 (the coffin).”
“Fantastic service, didn't even wait until nana died.”
From the blog
Questionable advice for sensible budgets
A running archive of Dead Cheap Funerals ideas, schemes and deeply unhelpful advice. Scroll through the posts — there is plenty of room for future nonsense.
🚧 Talks with BP — Getting Ready for the Future! ⛽
We are in advanced talks with BP to achieve the cheapest possible burials for all.
The oil industry is famous for digging massive holes around the world. Since our biggest cost is digging holes, why not use theirs for burials?
BP has struggled with oil spills in the past, where they once tried using hair to stop the oil spill — unsuccessfully. However, new research suggests whole bodies could have actually plugged those spills better!
If your loved one's remains help stop an oil spill, BP will pay YOU to bury them. Turning grief into profit!
Imagine a funeral where YOU get paid! That's what we call a Win-Win situation!
How to Save Even More on Funerals
Our "Tip You In" service is coming soon! Just dig a hole in your back garden and pay us money, on the day of your death, we'll come round and tip you into the hole and fill it up!
Top 3 DIY Coffin Ideas
From repurposed wardrobes to cardboard masterpieces, we rank the best makeshift coffin options for those on an extreme budget.
- Cardboard box — Fantastic versatility. Make sure pallbearers know to hold the bottom.
- Rolled-up carpet — Soft and cosy, though it may look a bit dodgy if you're ever dug up.
- Wardrobe — Just remove the shelves, and you're good to go.
The Pros of Just Vanishing
Why deal with the costs of a funeral at all? We explore the benefits of disappearing mysteriously instead.
- Keep your friends and loved ones guessing.
- Cause problems for greedy relatives trying to get your life insurance.
- Saves money — what does it cost really, a few pebbles on the beach and you're good to go.
You Won't Care — You'll Be Dead!
So who are you trying to impress? You will be dead and your family will be fighting to get your best jewellery and getting ready to sell and split your house.
Spend as much money while you're alive and get buried on the cheap when you die.
Enjoy life — not death — here at Dead Cheap Funerals!
How We Keep Prices So Low
Some have accused us of misusing government grants and loans to fund our operations. We are happy to confirm that these accusations are 100% accurate.
In fact, it's one of the key reasons we can keep prices so low. The other reason? We simply don't care — because caring costs money.
Pointless entertainment, now with ambition
Grave Dodger 2.0 — Run for Your Life!
Outrun the undertaker, dodge increasingly awful obstacles and prove you aren't ready for our services just yet.
Score0
Level1
Power-upsNone
Tap, click, Space or ↑ to jump · P to pause · R to restart · Pickaxe smashes stones and coffins · Shield blocks one hit · Coins add points · Face the Grim Reaper every five levels
Select a mode, then start jumping. Your life insurance premium is already rising.
Hall of Questionable Survival
Save your finest disasters. Scores are stored in this browser only — they are not a worldwide leaderboard.
All-time local legends
Today's daily challenge
The daily challenge uses a date-based seed (UTC). Scores stay private to this browser; no database or public leaderboard is used.
Recognition for extreme thrift
Get Your Quote
Do you begrudge spending money even on a funeral? It's time your tight-fisted ways received the recognition they deserve.
Claim your Certificate of Being a Cheap Bastard
Enter your name and we'll issue a magnificently official-looking certificate honouring your lifelong dedication to not opening your wallet.
Completely free, obviously. You'd only complain if we charged you.
Contact & payment
Contact Us
We make ourselves very easy to avoid.
Contact us
Visit us at: Our office moves regularly for security reasons. Details provided once we have received the money!
Call us: We don't need to talk.
Email: support@deadcheapfunerals.com
(Not a real email address)
Payment
You can't seriously be about to send us money. But if you are, you should take a close hard look at yourself and make better life (and death) decisions going forward!